Self-Worth: The Third Step to Self-Love

"As long as you look for someone else to validate who you are by seeking their approval, you are setting yourself up for disaster, You have to be whole and complete in yourself. No one can give you that. You have to know who you are - what others say is irrelevant."

If you have followed my other blog posts on self-love, you know by now that self-love rests on four equally important pillars, which are self-discovery, self-acceptance, self-worth, and self-care. Today’s blog post is all about self-worth, the third pillar of self-love.  

The lack of self-love and self-care usually stems from the feeling of unworthiness that was installed in us during our childhood. We were brought up thinking we are not good enough, smart enough, or too ugly to be loved. Love was often given not because of who we are but under the condition that we behaved in a certain way. This has led us to believe that we are only ‘worthy’ of other people’s love when we are what and how they expect us to be

On top of that, we are living in a society that places more emphasis on determining our ‘worth’ by how we compare to others. This kind of self-worth is based on external circumstances and depends on whether we feel successful or a failure at any given moment. Some days we feel worthy, other days we don’t. If we fall into this trap of competition, we are doomed to fail, because there is always someone who knows more than we do, is better at sports, has a better job, is richer, more attractive, or more successful. 

What is True Self-Worth

True self-worth, however, is not about what you do and how you compare to others. It is about valuing and honoring your inherent worth as a person. It is recognizing that you are greater than your outer circumstances, knowing at a core level that you are of value, lovable, necessary to this life, and of incomprehensible worth (Dr. Christina Hibbert, 2013). You understand your worth comes from the uniqueness of who you are, from the gifts that you bring to the world. When you fully accept who you are, there is no room for feelings of unworthiness. On the contrary, you have new values and show up differently in life. For example, you
  • know you are lovable, good enough and worthy to have your physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental needs met.  
  • choose to stay true to yourself, even if that means disappointing another. 
  • begin to make different choices.
  • say yes when you want to say yes, and say no when it feels right for you, without feeling guilty.
  • are setting boundaries by saying no to work, love, or activities that deplete your energy or harm you physical, emotionally, and spiritually, or express poorly who you are.
But most importantly, you realize that you are whole without the infusion of anyone else’s approval, energy, acceptance, love, care, or praise. You may walk out of a relationship or leave a job because you realize it doesn’t serve you anymore.  

How to Build Self-Worth?

One of the best ways to build self-worth is to stop evaluating everything you do and comparing yourself to others, wondering what others may think about you. Challenge the critical inner voice that tries to undermine your sense of self-worth. Show yourself more compassion. Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness and compassion as you would treat a friend. Stop being self-critical and accept and love yourself. Remember that being imperfect is part of the human experience. Another way to build self-worth is by taking part in activities or projects that are meaningful to you. This will make you feel good about yourself and your self-worth with automatically increase. However, the most important way to build self-worth is by celebrating every day who you are to acknowledge what you have already accomplished in your life, accept your little flaws and imperfections, recognize what you are good at, and honor the gifts you bring to the world.

If you want to learn more about the different aspects of self-love, you may want to read the other blog posts on this topic:

Cornelia Merk is an intuitive healer and holistic health coach. She is the co-author of the Amazon Bestseller, Revolutionize Your Health – How to Take Back Your Body’s Power to Heal, and the Revolutionize Your Health 30-Day Challenge. She is also the founder of the Design Your Life Retreats™. 
You can follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

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